Nobody likes an expert. When Congress elicits testimony on issues of social concern, such as stem cell research, they call upon Mary Tyler Moore rather than suffer through the pointed ramblings of droll scientists. Claim to be a sports trivia nut and someone will instantly fire off obscure questions. (Our…

A reporter’s little notebook is everything. Etched inside are scribbled records of events and the words of people great and unknown. Without a notation in some worn tablet, the world would never remember such lines as Patrick Henry’s “give me liberty or give me death”…Um, wait. Bad example. Someone added…

There’s a scene from the Monty Python classic Life of Brian in which a mob mistakes an underachiever either for the messiah or an Alabama judge; it’s been awhile since we’ve seen the film and we get the two confused, anyway. Brian of Nazareth implores his unwanted followers to embrace…

Let us admit something right off: As kids, we hated equations of any kind. We barely passed “math for athletes” in high school and found a loophole in college that allowed us to slide through four years…well, technically six…with nary a course involving numbers. At least our school featured a…

A facile reading of the Dallas bar scene might draw upon the primeval hunt as an appropriate metaphor. After all, the urge to pursue and capture is evident throughout American culture, from literature to cartoons to homeland security. Be the prey road runner, white whale, red baron or sloshed babe,…

Sociologists who from time to time peer into the American psyche invariably describe a selfish, avaricious people. Yet clearly they’ve failed to probe far enough, for tactless one-upmanship is only the most visible layer of our culture. Deep down, we’re a people more inclined to self-immolation than self-love. Who among…

A few millennia ago, the Spartans settled a dispute by sending a single warrior to face the enemy’s fiercest man in what ancient texts called “the battle of the champions.” To the victor went control of the Peloponnisos. We devised a similar test in response to this week’s Burning Question:…

Imagine a film set in the badlands of Japanese cattle country. Our movie follows a bunch of tough hombres–John Wayne, Gary Cooper, Randolph Scott–fending off Mothra and the occasional kamikaze, massaging the herd after a few beers and gathering around the campfire to sing karaoke while “Cookie” whittles up a…

Etymology really bothers us. We should first mention that etymology has nothing to do with insects and everything to do with the origins of words and their transformation through common use–although when we expressed our feelings toward this particular field of study, our editor admitted he, too, disliked bugs. (Editor’s…

It’s a curious turn of events. First, we’re told men and women emerged from the same body about 6,000 years ago, diverging in aptitude only after an unfortunate encounter with fresh fruit–a chronology approved by three of the past four presidents. Now, we learn from the more credible talk-show circuit…

At one point or another, our political, moral and cultural leaders have all become concerned with the beer goggle effect. Former President George Bush referred to it in his inimitable fashion as “the vision thing.” The once great and now dead Jerry Garcia spoke of those with “two good eyes”…

It’s curious that disgruntled foreigners always dismiss Americans as weak-willed and comfortable types likely to fold when threatened. Just why they confuse us with France, we’ll probably never know. Before characterizing Americans as soft and passive, terrorists and their ilk should first check out the brutal events dominating our culture:…

Few things are more quintessentially American than our ability to cast each and every individual into a compound so dense that it squanders uniqueness and identity. We stereotype Southerners as lazy and dim-witted–so incogitant, a professor of ours once said, that “whenever two Southern teams play football, there’s always some…

Many years ago, we actually worked in television. Not cooking shows, although we spent some time in public television–the haven, prior to the Food Network, of culinary programming. Instead, we ended up working on college football, basketball and other such events. Now, think about this for a moment. The Food…

You understand, of course, the consequences of forwarding an alcohol-related topic to the Burning Question crew. We are experiential reporters, meaning we never simply ask experts for their input. Instead, we visit the sites, drink the drinks and suffer the nauseating aftereffects. Curiously, our sense of dedication and willingness to…

Consider the curious relationship between Americans and ground corn. Each food item we purchase or consume in public conveys information regarding social status and culinary knowledge. Nothing is more confusing, however, than the tangled messages we send and receive when ordering a meal. For a male diner, steak says strength–and…

“Why not have a salt party?” asks David McMillan, holding a plate piled with a gray-white substance. The executive chef of Nana apparently doesn’t get out much. Either that, or he thinks of tame suburban gatherings–Tupperware parties, for instance–as wild, wicked affairs. In the 1960s, shindigs lauding plastic containers were…

They say history proves again and again how nature points out the folly of men. In this case, “they” are Blue Oyster Cult, a band from the days of open shirts and infinite hair. We’re not certain whether they are the “they” mentioned in all the other “they say” references,…

We always run into trouble at Paris Vendome. We’re not sure why, really. It’s a classy place, and people often use the word “class” when describing the Burning Question crew. Of course, they attach the word “low” to it, but still. Last time we visited the West Village bistro, a…

The military has a wonderful habit of turning simple concepts into incomprehensible abbreviations or ironic juxtapositions. Lunch, for example, becomes MRE. That’s short for meals ready to eat. Perhaps this explains how officers learn quickly to misstate the obvious. After getting his ass whipped in Russia, the great Napoleon rallied…

How to define 2002? The most notable figures were pedophiles, Donald Rumsfeld and the Rally Monkey. Hollywood produced yet another Rob Schneider insult. Creative minds working with endless colors and fabrics from all over the world settled on bare teen-age midriffs as the year’s fashion sensation. And when Trent Lott…