Audio By Carbonatix
One of human evolution’s oft-ignored benefits is a man’s ability to conveniently piss on whatever tree, shrub, brush pile, patch of concrete, patch of grass, building facade, or garbage can happens to be at hand. It’s liberating.
But with great freedom comes danger. One potential pitfall was made clear to me a couple of days ago when my three-year-old abruptly dropped trou and proceeded to lawn-sprinkler a neighbor’s grass, all of two feet from the window where he stood watching creepily. Another was revealed this morning in a Dallas police report
Just before 11 p.m. on Thursday, a 56-year-old gentleman — we’ll call him John Smith, because that’s his name — paused in Fort Worth Avenue alley to relieve himself on the side of a Domino’s Pizza.
As he was doing so, a man approached. “What the fuck are you doing?” he demanded.
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Smith turned to face him. It’s not clear from the report whether or not he had sheathed himself at this point. What is clear is that the stranger was not a fan of Smith’s open-air urination, evidenced primarily by the fact that he lunged and stabbed him in the lower back.
Smith called police, who took note of the two-inch laceration on his back that the knife or other object (Smith wasn’t sure) had created. Luckily for Smith, the wound wasn’t life-threatening, and he opted to walk home rather than be taken to the hospital.
Still, this should be taken as a cautionary tale.
