Audio By Carbonatix
Burglars are typically a harried lot. There’s only so much time between a window being smashed and police or an angry, gun-wielding property owner arrive to see what’s up.
See also: The Librarians of America Just About Destroyed Wild Salsa on Saturday Night
The person who broke into Wild Salsa, the Mexican cantina on Main Street, on Wednesday night took a more casual approach. After breaking through a rear window with a rock, he used a large kitchen knife to jimmy open a locked drawer behind the bar, where he found $200. The burglar then made his way to the office, where he broke open the safe and took another $1,800 and a $600 HP laptop.
Late-night burglary can leave a fella parched, though. So midway through the heist, the suspect took a break to down a full $40 bottle of tequila and three Michelob Ultras, a low-calorie brew perfect for cooling off after a run or a robbery. The empties were left behind, as was the rock that smashed through the window.
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Police are on the lookout for an extremely wasted individual believed to be wearing a sombrero and texting everyone in his phone, “You up?”
