Audio By Carbonatix
Fine, whatever, Rosa Johnson’s cute. But not as cute as you.
In my long, long 22 years on this planet, I’ve had a lot of time to traverse the globe and learn about the important things in life, making observations at every turn about the world around me. In my extensive travels, one thing has always stood out to me: Texas girls are a particularly good-lookin’ bunch. And I’m not just saying that because me, my mama and my grandmama and her mama are all Lone Star seed. I can prove it.
Caress, the supermarket soap company favored by women too lazy to trek to Bath and Body Works for a bottle of $11 Winter Fluff Vanilla Muff Shiny Exfoliating Big Fun Scrub With Glitter And Kittens, has officially declared that their most beautiful woman of 2006 is Dallas’ own Rosa Johnson. Feast your eyes!
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Too bad the 20-year-old is actually from Eritrea. According to a press release, Johnson was adopted as a kid and shipped to Big D with her new family. I still like to think that it’s the overall Texan atmosphere that really pushed her to the edge of super-beauty. Despite my best efforts to contact Johnson so I can ask Her Hotness if it was Dallas or the sweet land of East Africa that chiseled her beauty, I can’t manage to get past her publicist; I’ve been promised a chat a couple of times, but there’s been no callback.
Weird. I’ve seen publicists (or, in this case, fluff-licists) get really excited about modifications to the chip clip; why can’t the folks at NYC’s Weber Shandwick get pumped about a hot babe? Maybe it was because I asked if Johnson would be available to comment on the current state of Eritrean politics. Damn you, Africa. Damn you. –Andrea Grimes
