Foods the FDA Should Recall

The recent food recalls of eggs and beef (and their subsequent protests) got us thinking about food recalls that would better serve humanity. Herein, we provide a list of foods that should be taken off the market. One is worse for your heart than bacon. Than bacon! Are you reading this FDA?

Eggplant

Two reasons: It’s got the word “egg” in it, and the only thing it’s good for is eggplant Parmesan. That’s an insult to bottled, processed tomato sauces everywhere.

Broccoli

It’s bitter — and not in the good way that beer is bitter. Broccoli is a staple of party hors d’oeuvre. That’s a terrible thing. Its floret particles get stuck in teeth all too easily, lowering the chance of a make-out session with that fine example of human hotness across the room.

Durian

We’ve written about our disgust with durian — or more specifically it’s horrendous stink — before. Well, it continues.

Tilapia

The 21st century chicken of the sea is practically tasteless. One of the most commonly consumed farmed fish in the United States, tilapia is also low in the nutrition propaganda term omega-3 fatty acids and might be high in omega-6 fatty acids. The latter has been shown to be potentially dangerous to people with an inflammatory disease, such as heart disease, according to a Wake Forest University School of Medicine study published in the Journal of the American Dietetic Association. The study also found that the level of omega-6 in tilapia is higher than in 80-percent-lean hamburger, doughnuts and — get this — bacon. Moral of the story: Bacon is more heart healthy than tilapia.