How Does a Band Rebound After a Bad Tour?

Are you a musician? Is your group having issues? Ask Fan Landers! Critic Jessica Hopper has played in and managed bands, toured internationally, booked shows, produced records, worked as a publicist and is the author of The Girls’ Guide to Rocking, a how-to for teen ladies. She is here to…

Don’t Be a Po-po. Teach Your Kids the Proper Names of Their Junk.

Noonie. Pee-pee. Dingle. Cha-cha. These aren’t stripper names. They’re the baby talk that many parents like to teach their kids instead of teaching them the words “penis” and “vagina.” I asked a mom why she was calling her kid’s parts weird things and she said that she was uncomfortable with…

The Six Vehicles Idiot Criminal Child Justin Bieber Should Be Driving

All illustrations by Dave WattMusic journalism can be a pretty tough gig. Between eating complimentary cheese slices at your friend’s bar and the women/men constantly sensually caressing your neck-beard for you, it is sometimes difficult to seek out interesting, topical material. Thank God, then, for Justin Bieber — that sparkling…

Travel Advisory

Dear Mexican: I am a butt-white Irish guy, happily married to a beautiful Chicana. Her familia is from a gorgeous rancho deep in the corazón of Zacatecas, and I’ve been wanting to experience all of the ranchero lifestyle I keep hearing about from my acquired familia mexicanos. However, our State…

A.C. Gonzalez Pitches a Change-up

Robert Abtahi, a lawyer who ran unsuccessfully for the District 14 City Council seat in East Dallas last time around, had an interesting essay last week on the opinion pages of The Dallas Morning News. He castigated critics of City Hall, whom he lumped together as a new and burgeoning…

For Once, a Selfie That Expands Your Social Horizons

Sometimes, as the song says, you want to go where everybody knows your name. But in the spirit of disrupting cliché, perhaps you could take the opportunity to tread on new paths, to a place where you may not know everyone’s name, but before it is all said and done…

What to Do When Your Very Personal Art Goes Public

Are you a musician? Is your group having issues? Ask Fan Landers! Critic Jessica Hopper has played in and managed bands, toured internationally, booked shows, produced records, worked as a publicist and is the author of The Girls’ Guide to Rocking, a how-to for teen ladies. She is here to…

The Six Musicians Who Most Love Outer Space

Thomas ClaveiroleRecently, I stopped drinking alcohol for a few weeks due to a severe case of “turning into a tremendously fat man.” As a result, I’ve been compensating by drinking cold press coffee — a dark, sludgy substance that resembles the loneliness of space. It makes me feel like my…

Witch Wendy Davis, the … OTHER!!!

Here in the city where Republican swiftboating was invented, we have good reason to wonder what’s really at the heart of it. In 2004 when the character assassins went after John Kerry, I assumed their motivation was straight-up cynicism. Muddy him up so Bush will look better. But this new…