Dear Readers: So your presidential candidate lost (congratulations; McBama! Our condolences, O’Cain. Damn early deadlines…), and you can’t bear the thought of living under his opponent’s reign for the next cuatro years. Fear not: The other side of America’s bullshit sandwich will save you! The Mexican hereby turns this column…
Uh-oh. Have I been here before? It’s the day before Halloween. I am at Dallas Independent School District headquarters, and I am already seeing ghosts. One is in a real short skirt, and her name is Yvonne. The other one, Waldemar, is holding a tin cup and chortling insanely. They’re…
Plenty of good seats available. Been watching some CNN today and was a tad alarmed by the headlines: “Problems at polling stations!” “Record voter turnout!” “New York’s ‘Naked Cowboy’ endorses McCain!” Frightening stuff. So I scurried down to my local polling place at McKinney’s Valley Creek Elementary School and found…
Okay, who had 6 months in the office pool? Pay up, sucka. Forgive me for growing a little misty-eyed nostalgic today. It’s because 368 posts and 3,554 comments after debuting with this lil’ diddy, your friendly Sportatorium is suddenly 6 months old. Funny, I don’t feel a day over 2…
1-7 on Cowboys’ games this season. That’s 1 win. That’s 7 losses. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Heads or tails? It’s heads. Gimme the New York Giants, minus the 9…
Dear Mexican: I know you’ve been asked variations of this before, but I’m going to ask you again anyway. I’m a gay white guy, and I’ve had three relationships with Mexican men in the last seven years. Each lasted from three to six months. This past relationship actually lasted a…
There’s a reason I like Annie, but I don’t like to watch it. I can never remember what the reason is, so I keep making the mistake of watching it again, because I like it so much. I’m sitting here alone in my half-darkened office with the shades drawn, having…
If I were God of Sports, these guys would render kickers extinct. God for a day? Me? Thanks, don’t mind if I do. Richie Almighty. I like the sound of that. Okay, first, bye-bye cancer. Hurricanes = gone. No more wasted money on explorations to the Moon. Resources once pegged…
Shun the 11-year-olds if you want. But someday they’ll be college freshmen. I had really high hopes for June Jones and SMU. But as far as first impressions go, this year sucks. First, on the field, the offensive guru turned talented quarterback Justin Willis into one of David Copperfield’s assistants,…
What’s the only thing less reliable than my picks? Wade Phillips’ 3-4 defense. For a couple years now some smartass has been referring to Dallas’ unit as “Dumbsday.” Last week in coughing up 34 points to the Rams it was abysmal. And this week, despite Phillips taking over the defensive…
Dear Mexican: One of our Arizona politicians once said on the PBS show Horizonte that the “crime” of being undocumented in this country is equivalent legally to that of a parking ticket. Do you know where I can verify this statement? So often in the argument over immigration the bottom…
If Obama can be president, is it OK for white people to be assholes again? And, of course, I don’t mean it exactly the way it sounds. I’m worried about the Dallas school system. What I really mean is that it may be time for upwardly mobile middle-class and working-class…
Cafe Press People are high on anxiety about this election already. And it’s not the election. It’s the deselection. That’s what’s got everybody crazy. I got a call this morning from a gentlemen who’d just early-voted at Harry Stone Montessori. He said his voting machine tried to con him into…
Photos by Patrick Michels In my Mavs’ fantasy, this is followed by a loving embrace and an 82-0 regular season. Hmm, what oh what could distract us from our Cowboys’ misery today? Two words: Mavericks! Dancers! The squad hyped its shiny, skinderful new calendar with a shindig at Ghostbar after…
Count on me being out at the State Fair tomorrow. If you have any rotten fruit laying around, come visit me during my 5-7 p.m. appearance on Live 105.3’s Dan O’Malley Show. Count on Tony Romo being in the Cowboys’ lineup Sunday in St. Louis. Cowboys owner Jerry Jones says…
Flickr photo: i am indisposed My takeaway from the final presidential debate last night was a deep sense of concern, even anxiety, over what John McCain is doing to the public perception of old white guys. People already treat us as if we’re all goofy. They use euphemisms like “irascible,”…
The Dallas Morning News’ DISD Blog has the severance agreement governing the departure of former Dallas Independent School Distirct chief operating officer Eric Anderson. The surprise for me was that Anderson accepted so little, a mere 15 grand, for taking such a terrible licking. Anderson agreed not to speak ill…
The Dallas school system is in the ditch financially. No question. But stepping up to save the day, we have a volunteer group of Dallas business executives—guys like John Scovell, John Ware, Pedro Aguirre and Joe Alcantar—who are going to come down to school headquarters and help watch over the…
Dear Mexican: A group of very young soldiers in the Mexican Army were being chased through the castle by U.S. Marines. At the end of the chase, the Mexicans realized they were trapped on a balcony and, instead of dying on bayonets, they wrapped themselves in Mexican flags and leapt…
The Cowboys have played five games. Sportatorium has made five losing bets. Oh and friggin’ five! Who, oh who, could feel my pain? Is there anyone? Anyone out there who can empathize with my futility? Wait … George Costanza, is that you? “It’s not working, Jerry. How did it all…
Dallas Independent School District board trustee Ron Price Kent Fischer has a very important story in today’s Dallas Morning News — shoulda been on Page One — revealing that the center has been blown out of the Dallas Independent School District’s whole strategy for recovering from its financial crisis. The…
Dear Readers: I don’t like to rerun columns ’cause it makes me look like a lazy Mexican, but I realize that as my column invades foreign terrain (Chattanooga! Columbia, South Carolina! Steamboat Springs, Colorado!) new readers might not understand some of my commandments. Following, then, are the two most frequently…
