Sometimes you wonder which extreme, gullibility or generosity, drives American dining behavior. As a people, we tip quite well. We’re accustomed to it, leaving change behind on grimy diner tables and credit slips bearing at least one zero at fine establishments. Our willingness to toss away cash with scant consideration…

Upon leaving the White House way back when, President Eisenhower cautioned against the power of the military-industrial complex. Perhaps the old guy should have warned us about the processed food industry as well. From Spam to hot dogs to pre-mixed peanut butter and jelly to Velveeta, we’ve managed to perfect…

A busy night at the Flying Saucer in Addison often forces patrons to park across the street and risk their lives in a mad dash across Montfort. Laura’s Last Chance in North Dallas provides revelers with a stunning view from its outdoor patio of an apartment complex’s drab backside. Hooter’s…

Europeans often scoff at America’s apparent lack of unique tradition, especially around the holidays. Fruitcake, eggnog, and ham, for example, are all Christmas staples borrowed from the Old World. And turducken belongs to Louisiana alone. Historians tell us that America’s early settlers braved the treacherous Atlantic crossing to escape tyranny,…

Long before the advent of forks, spoons, ladles, and other eating utensils, humankind skewered meat on sharpened sticks. It remains one of our most basic instincts–to jab at food with a pointed object in a symbolic form of savagery. Yes, underneath the genteel façade of manners, etiquette, and sophistication rests…

Fruitcakes are crucial to Western civilization. They’ve been around since Roman times–perhaps the same fruitcake–when Russell Crowe and his ilk feasted on a mix of pomegranate, pine nuts, and raisins mixed into a barley-mash batter. No wonder the ancients developed vomitoriums. The English perfected fruitcakes in the Middle Ages and…

Americans have always had problems with the old question of image vs. reality. For example, hard-partying George W. Bush represents good old-fashioned morality while former seminary student Al Gore suffers on issues of trust. People buy Saturns because of the savings gained from one-price buying, but end up paying 26…

This time of year was hog-killing time in the old South. Back in the days before air conditioning, Prada, dentistry, and good taste forever altered the Southern states and their cherished heritage, families gathered every November to butcher a few hogs and lay up meat for the year. They smoked…

Americans consume too much fat. Or so we’re told. Yet no less an authority than The Joy of Cooking contends that “avoiding it altogether is neither beneficial nor desirable.” Each gram of fat contains about nine love-handle-enhancing calories. But each gram of fat also offers such necessities as vitamin K,…

It’s not unusual for men to hit on Missy Kutzor. But when a guy walked up to her during lunch at The Olive Garden, it caught her off guard. “He looked me up and down and said hi,” Kutzor recalls. “I just ignored him.” The strikeout artist remains unknown (and…

Great questions confound the greatest of minds, forcing even legendary figures to shrivel up and crawl away in pure defeat. How do you untie the Gordian knot? That one frustrated Alexander the Great so much that he hacked at the thing with a sword. What is the meaning of life?…

Ron Ferguson wrestles with the hard realities of economics every day. The general manager of the Coppertank Brewing Company in Dallas needs three or four wait staff and a few other people. “It’s pretty tough to hire right now,” Ferguson says. “There are a lot more restaurants and clubs than…

At some point in time, humans discovered sugar, salt, partially hydrogenated vegetable oil, high-fructose corn syrup, and all of the other ingredients that make those hours between meals worthwhile. Only a few infallible individuals–the pope, Al Gore–or those of exquisite taste can ever hope to avoid the millions of empty…

One day this summer, a thief walked off with a giant plastic sculpture from a restaurant in Tarpon Springs, Florida. The sculpture weighed 300 pounds and resembled a large rock formation–rather useless to the outside world, in other words. No one in the restaurant industry was surprised. “If it’s not…

Sometimes Jeremy Parker slides behind the wheel of a Lamborghini Diablo. More often he drives a Mercedes. But in rare moments of juvenile flair he bops around in a bright yellow 1968 VW Bug. Valet parking is ubiquitous in Dallas. According to David Hamilton, president of Jack Boles Parking Service,…

Roasted crickets taste a bit like popcorn. Really. Mealworm-infested pizza isn’t bad, either–according to a Texas A & M entomology class in which students undergo a bug-tasting lesson every semester in a safe and scientific environment. Professor Roger Gold insists that certain critters provide vitamins, protein, and flavor. When Micah…

Those who lived through the anti-nuke rallies may think all other socio-political battlegrounds easy. Think again. A mere mention of the phrase “genetic engineering” causes all kinds of intemperate behavior: setting fire to Michigan State University labs, forcing the recall of taco shells, hordes of French men and women storming…

We might as well blame President Clinton for this. After all, the man who personally started all of those forest fires this summer and raised the price of gasoline just to spite American consumers is (listen up, Rush) certainly capable of introducing fake wasabi into the market. However, we’ll skip,…

You have to travel to see a Babe Ruth-autographed baseball. Most people fly to Syracuse, New York, rent a car, drive southeast for an hour or so, and buy a ticket to the baseball hall of fame. Others just pop in for lunch at Balls Hamburgers on Northwest Highway. Yep…

Things evolve. Well, everywhere outside of Kansas and a few pockets in the Deep South, things evolve. Consider for a moment the evolution of sports bars. Once a neighborhood dive with peanut shells, disturbing stains, unknown dark corners, and a color television, the sports bar emerged from the 1980s as…

Every once in a while, controversy seethes beneath the otherwise placid surface of American culture, waiting only for some incident to unleash its brutally divisive force. For instance, recall the time the elder George Bush pronounced his distaste for broccoli, causing an uproar that threatened to tear children from families…

Sure, Texas leads the nation in alcohol-related traffic deaths–1,734 in 1999–and the state’s leniency toward drunk drivers costs it close to $100 million in highway funding. But when it comes to drinking, nothing arouses the ire of North Texas like a harmless blue-and-white card. Just ask. “The Unicard is a…