There’s death, taxes and passing the Feed Bag as you buzz along McKinney Avenue toward hipper climes. Ah, but after 15 years of plying inebriates with alcohol-absorbing burgers, the Feed Bag has shut its doors. “The Man wants Uptown money now, and I don’t have Uptown sales to afford the…
Every little ripple in the landscape bears a name, such as Walton’s Mountain. Good example, really, because some people revered the sappy ’70s family drama while others despised the show. Naturally, the characters suffered through various plot twists the likes of which we can’t describe. We’d rather eat microwave pizza…
There was the time at a local home-cooking place when a waiter kept pouring as the glass overflowed, covering a portion of the table with a sticky puddle of vanilla shake. He apologized each time he passed but never bothered to wipe it away. Or the day some fry cook…
For some reason, economists equate piles of rubble with progress. Clearly, then, Dallas is in the midst of a boom, and from the sounds of it one of those irrational exuberance types. Tipperary Inn reopened just last year. Now they plan to destroy one portion of their building in order…
The age of imperialism ended, oh, 50 or 60 years ago. Not a particularly glorious era. European countries exploited distant lands and beat down peoples and cultures. The United States caught on to the trend fairly late in the game. In order to catch up, we had to grab territories…
A younger version of the Burning Question crew practiced delinquency in a small Illinois college town. You know the setting: idyllic town square, red brick courthouse, quaint shops, families strolling to church on a Sunday morning, stepping with great care over students splayed unconscious in pools of their own… Let’s…
You’ve heard this one before: There are two kinds of people in this world… Of course, the second half of that statement differs depending on the situation. For example, John Adams divided people into “those with the commitment and those requiring the commitment of others,” whatever that means. Hell, we’re…
The past? Americans just can’t handle the past. Pop culture informs our understanding of the world. The family values myth, much of that stuff about the founding fathers and Christian faith, our hyped-up vision of the greatest generation–all manufactured by the various brokers of mass consumption. Just think how gullible…
In last week’s column we alluded to a drink recipe handed to us by Indy Racing League chef Eddie Wilson. Well, the Burning Question crew mixed up a few batches of the stuff, a harmless blend of apple cider, cinnamon candy, blackberry brandy and Everclear. It’s almost the perfect summer…
OK, so we succumbed to Danica-mania. Sue us. Or rather, sue our editor. You wouldn’t get much from the Burning Question crew, anyway–‘cept a beat-up Le Car and our treasured photo of Booker Noe, Jim Beam’s great-grandson, bearing his signature and a bit of bourbonly advice: “Stay on the beam.”…
Why should we pay for home cooking? Hell, it’s the same stuff Mom whipped up free of charge for decades. It’s always a bit perturbing to see people shell out good money for something they could prepare in their own kitchens for quite a bit less. Besides, most places never…
For all the big talk about swagger and oversized steaks and all things big in Texas, our city still suffers from an inferiority complex. For example, we swoon over even the most ordinary pop culture figures, such as Colby Donaldson or Kato Kaelin. The presence of a has-been draws hordes…
There’s something fundamentally wrong with the South. Yeah, yeah, we know the obvious stuff. But there’s so much more. Waffle House comes to mind, long-winded authors, too. And sheriffs named Rufus, dry counties, fried okra–that sort of thing. Even worse, good old boys suck down mojitos…no, that’s a lie. They…
Size matters. We all know that by now. In this case, however, even the traditional version of that axiom is irrelevant. Aside from the catchy sophomoric name adopted by the subject of our Burning Question for the week (and we refuse to research the matter further), the guys who founded…
Tom DeLay recently set a precedent the Burning Question crew is happy to exploit. We figure if the speaker of the House can liken a bit of GOP drivel–1994’s Contract with America–to such history-shattering documents as the Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights and Magna Carta, we could follow suit…
People in the nightclub business often refer to the “fickle 500,” an amorphous group of “pretty people” that descends on a new venue then abandons the place–often for good–when a new hot spot emerges. Bar owners typically impugn this crowd when once-popular spots shut down. The fickle 500 are the…
This one’s pretty basic. Barbacks set up, close down, replace empty bottles, fill ice baskets and pour an occasional drink. Well, that’s how we’d answer this week’s Burning Question if someone hired us to write daily briefings for, oh, a world leader with little tolerance for nonlinear expression who doesn’t…
Move over, Jerry Falwell. Take a hike, Jimmy “I have sinned” Swaggart. Stow it, Ned Flanders. The Burning Question crew chooses not to follow false prophets. For yea, we say unto thee, chef Russell Hodges preaches the apocalyptic vision America needs in these dark times. An example of a fiery…
Recently, Ben Caudle, bartender at Hibiscus, challenged the Burning Question crew to shatter centuries of cultural indoctrination, shred the very ideals that define our country and ignore billions in advertising dollars. Well, actually he mentioned something about inexpensive liquors comparing favorably to more popular and costly bottles, but we recognized…
If there’s one thing we’ve learned from our current leadership, it’s the infallibility of America’s worldview. We characterize the French as weak-willed surrender monkeys because they are–simple as that. Russians drink to excess; Brits need a lesson in proper dental hygiene; and Africans, well, they just serve as safari guides…
So there we were: six martinis into an evening, bleary-eyed, beer goggles at full fuzziness. We mean “Janet Reno looks good to us” fuzziness. That’s when clarity struck. It came in the form of Misty, a friend of Linda. We were at a bar flirting with Linda–we think; the night…
Here’s to those few pioneers willing to confront the impossible, challenge the unknown and find the answers that unleash human progress. Only the fearless defy prudence in a quest for great truths: Is the earth round or flat? Can we split the atom? Why does Michael Jackson exist? Yet curiosity…
