Audio By Carbonatix
Hey ladies (and mid-40s Dallas douchebags), you ever skooch yourself into the sausage-casing that is Spanx? Yeah, us too. And we just discovered that Spanx, who brought you the shapewear that made you look un-muffin-toppy and awesome in that fancy outfit you wore recently, has a swimwear line. Yep. They’re making Spanxing suits.
The Spanx website exclaims, “It’s shapewear you can swim in!” The idea sounds good in theory: Nobody wants to look crappy in a bathing suit, right?
But, we fear the reality of the situation would be miserable at best. A bathing suit just offers too many places for the Spanx-ed stuff to squeeze out.
Please refer to Fig. 1 after the jump.
When news happens, Dallas Observer is there —
Your support strengthens our coverage.
We’re aiming to raise $30,000 by December 31, so we can continue covering what matters most to you. If the Dallas Observer matters to you, please take action and contribute today, so when news happens, our reporters can be there.
Fig. 1
Don’t get us wrong, we’re pretty sure you’d be totally hot from bellybutton to underboobs. But everywhere else, things just have no other option but to be a trainwreck, right?
On the plus side, maybe these suits have the patented Spanx pee hole. Sure would make peeing at/in the pool waaaaay easier.
