Rack It Up

A gentleman moderates all impolite thoughts and activities.

Indeed, no less authority than Charles Darwin implied that self-control represents the highest form of moral culture–just the sort of statement that confuses the hell out of Baptists who emblazon their SUVs with Darwin-chomping fish. Who knew the progenitor of natural selection and survival of the fittest despised fun and excess, too?

We bring this up because this week’s Burning Question challenged our professional devotion to many things fundamental to journalism, ethics and the like. It requires severe discipline to nod constantly during interviews, to mumble “uh-huh” after each answer as if fully cognizant and to perform other techniques perfected over the years by stalwart reporters. In most cases, these things become habit, standards of behavior that establish credibility: stay on task, record comments accurately, maintain eye contact and so on.

Unfortunately, this week the Burning Question crew stumbled a bit on the eye-contact rule.

The question–do waitresses with bigger breasts earn bigger tips?–appears to be a no-brainer. “If men see a body they like, they open their wallets more,” says Danielle Tatum, a former Hooters waitress who now carries trays at Whisky Bar, “and the more you show, the more they spend.” She explains that a rather massive cosmetic enhancement last September was immediately reflected in her tips. “I’ve rearranged my vest to show more cleavage and yes, it absolutely does make a difference,” agrees a waitress at Cool River who spent her first two years at the Las Colinas hotspot buttoned to the neck. “I’ll tell you this,” confirms Eric, a bartender at Sipango, “new cocktail waitresses come in looking nice, dressy and professional. But as the weeks go on, they start wearing more open tops. There is more money in it.” Even women with more average endowments recognize the value of cleavage. “I wear a padded bra,” admits Jenna Field at Bali Bar. “Bigger girls make a lot more money cocktailing.”

Naturally, male bar and restaurant patrons deny such a quid pro quo relationship. “That single attribute is not going to be the cause of me tipping one way or another,” claims Merile Stevenson. “It’s the combination of personality, service and looks.” In fact, men tend to think very highly of their tipping skills. “I tip based on service,” states Bill Phillips. “I’m very egalitarian.”

“Sure, guys say that,” rejoins Liza Borger at Sambuca in Addison, “but wait until they have a few drinks in them.”

Perhaps men live in a state of denial. “Maybe I’m full of shit and don’t realize it,” says Jerry, a bar patron. “Maybe there’s some equation that goes on in the back of my head.” Yet waitresses admit that any increase as the result of breast size amounts to no more than a few percent. Many local waiters and waitresses believe that tipping is a ritual for the most part predetermined: Patrons generally tip 15 to 20 percent unless confronted with spectacularly inept service. Male patrons may not remember the face of a top-heavy waitress, but they rarely tip her breasts specifically. “If I was wearing a tank top, it might bring in a couple of extra bucks,” says Arianne Harley at Sipango. “But it’s really a combination of personality and service.”

In other words, explains Dylan Johnson, bartender at The Beagle, “Big boobs are nice, but if you’ve got crappy service, they don’t matter.” However, he hastens to add, “They do help if used correctly.”

Johnson’s comments intrigued the Burning Question crew. We spent quite some time at Monica’s pondering the implications of breast misusage, the unfortunate dearth of breast instructions and so forth–much to the consternation of the bar’s management. As we understand it, correctly implemented cleavage merely supplements the other elements factoring into a 20 percent tip. “I think it’s a combination of things,” assures former waitress Amie Campbell, “a pretty face, a smile, a little bit of flirting–and I’m sure that big tits help.”

Matthew, the Samba Room bartender and poet laureate of Dallas nightlife, refers to this as “the hustle,” the art of working a table. Good servers ascertain the character of each set of guests and adjust their style accordingly. They work couples one way: “I can tell when the wife is giving me the evil eye,” explains the Cool River waitress (she preferred anonymity, although she’s not hard to spot), “and in that case I ignore the husband and concentrate on the wife, compliment her. You have to know how to work it.” They modify their methods for men and women: “If there are four guys, I’ll talk to that table differently,” says Ann Slater of Champps in Addison. “I joke around with guys more. Women are into their own conversations.”

Female guests tip almost exclusively on service, according to servers. Men respond to friendliness. Thus waitresses bounce between professional service and casual flirting. And if other things bounce around as well, it may be worth a couple of extra bucks. In a fine-dining restaurant, expertise matters more than breast size, of course. But at a bar, it’s up against the wall, redneck mother. Waitresses will generally pull in more than waiters based on gender alone, a testament to our cultural shallowness and the fact that men pay bar and restaurant tabs more often than women. Male servers don’t seem to mind their inadequacy in this area. “Is there a male equivalent to breasts? No,” says Johnson, annoyingly asking and answering his own question. “But it doesn’t hurt to remember names and smile.”

In answer to this week’s question, it’s clear that breast size matters, but only somewhat. “Top service, being attractive, knowing the business–that brings in tips,” one waitress says. “It’s not only on breasts, but it certainly helps.”

The Burning Question crew, meanwhile, learned a valuable lesson this week about poise, self-control and peripheral vision.